National Treasure

Dana Milbanks reminds us why Joe Biden is the best vice president ever:

The gaffe-prone vice president had been relatively on message for months. But on Sunday, he referred to the likely Republican presidential nominee as “President Romney” and to his own boss as “President Clinton.” And he inadvertently set off a frenzy on same-sex marriage, not because his position was surprising but because it made Obama’s look all the more absurd. 

Biden is freaking awesome. He's not "gaffe-prone" any more than Michael Phelps is "swimming-prone" or Adrian Peterson is "touchdown-prone." He's a gaffe machine, created especially by God to demonstrate to fallen humanity that perfection of a craft is possible in this world. He is the Bobby Fischer of the verbal miscue, the Alexander the Great of the Freudian slip, the Leonardo Da Vinci of the solecism, and the George Washington of the faux pas rolled into one man.  There will never be another Joe Biden.

That's why we must keep him forever. I am calling on Congress today to do two things that will preserve this national treasure for future generations. The first is to pass a Constitutional amendment that will make Biden the Vice President in perpetuity, while making the Speaker of the House second in the line of Presidential succession.  That way we can keep Biden on Sunday morning TV forever but not worry that he'll ever have any power.

The second is trickier and more troublesome, I'm afraid.  We need to fund a program that will place Biden's jaws, lungs, lips, and voicebox on permanent life support should the man have the poor taste to die in this new, permanent office. That way he will still be able to make pronouncements that will bring laughter and joy to our children's children's children.  But the program need not be overly complex, because the one thing they will not need to keep alive is Biden's brain.  It ought to be clear by now that that particular organ has nothing to do with what he says.