I'm rich, biotch

Obama thinks I need more money:

Sen. Barack Obama (D-Ill.) on Friday announced an “Emergency Economic Plan” that would give families a stimulus check of $1,000 each, funded in part by what his presidential campaign calls “windfall profits from Big Oil.”

While details can be found in a six-page policy paper here, they hardly matter. What matters is that if this not-a-recession can hang on for a few more years, politicians will have given me so many refunds and rebates and stimuluses* I'll be able to retire to somewhere exotic. Like Zimbabwe.

But what Obama ought to do is set one up one iteration of this vote-buying scheme as generic reparations. For blacks it would pay for slavery, for Mexicans and Indians, their lands the white man stole. For feministas it could reparate whatever it is that upper-middle-class white college students have to be so angry about. In fact, given enough thought, pretty much anyone can come up with a grievance that can be assuaged by cold hard cash**. Since we're giving away money anyway, you know.

* stimuli?

** Or money fraudulently borrowed from our grandchildren, whatever.