Saturday, January 27, 2007

Legalism ad absurdum

The Theological Ninja drops an interesting plumb line:
Lots of people ask me, “Hey Ninja, how do you come to your conclusions about what’s proper to do in a worship service?” To which I reply, “Silly grasshopper, I use the Bible. Sola Scriptura!”

For those of you that have never heard of the Regulative Principle let me enlighten you: If it isn’t in the Bible it is absolutely forbidden. Do you see microphoned being used in Paul’s churches? No dice. Do you see a church office called “worship leader?” Nope. Did the Galatians use instruments in their meetings? The Bible doesn’t say they did and neither should we...

If it doesn’t say it, don’t do it. If you do, you might be damned.
Of course, that means that dedicated church buildings, personal bibles, even closed windows (Acts 20:9) are somehow forbidden Christians in their places of worship. Anyone who attends a church service that is not held in someone's house is in big trouble with God, because the original churches did not meet in churches, they met in homes (Ro 16:5, 1Cor 16:19, Phi 1:2). Don't go to church: you might be damned*.

But why stop at worship? After all, if the Regulative Principle** is fit for worship, it ought to be fit for the rest of life. And since as Christians we are to walk in Christ (Col 2:6) it ought to follow that we ought never do anything the Bible doesn't say he did or was never done to him, right? Therefore we ought never put diapers on our babies (Jesus was never potty trained in the Bible), change our socks, or condition our hair. We ought never wear underwear, flip a burger, or pet a dog. And we certainly ought to never use a computer, drive a car, or save money. After all, if these things were good, certainly the Lord of Life would have done them.

And the Bible never once, not one single time, says Jesus went to the bathroom. So don't ever talk to a man about a horse or bury a quaker: that's surefire damnation. After all, God will "cut off ... him that pisseth against the wall" (1Ki 14:10).

It's quite easy to claim that because the scriptures are able to make us wise to salvation (2Tim 3:15) that the scriptures are an exhaustive list of "do"s and "don't"s*** for every area of life. But the scriptures are written for examples (1Cor 10:11) for our living. It is then up to us to live wisely in whatever world we find ourselves.

* There seems to be a certain type of Christian whose God is always looking for some excuse to toss him into hell.

** Which, I note, is not in the Bible.

*** and especially the latter, apparently.

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