Dusky: the Third Dwarf of the Apocalypse

Dusky (real name Barak Hussien Obama) is the junior senator from Illinois, rounding out a trifecta of senators who are fighting history (in addition to each other) to become President. Known primarily for his unique coppery skin and the fact that he is articulate (actually, for the combination of the two), Dusky is the only current presidential candidate who speaks fluent Indonesian, though that fact hardly gets mentioned for some reason. Racism, probably.

Before being elected to the Senate over the currently insane Alan Keyes*, Dusky lost a 2000 Congressional Primary to former Black Panther Bobby Rush. He has also been a crossing guard, a cub scout patrol leader, and was voted Most Likely to Move to Hawaii by his first grade class in Jakarta, Indonesia. He later moved to Hawaii, where he lived with his grandparents.

Since his election, Dusky has shown himself a quick learner, taking after Current House Speaker Dennis Hastert and incoming Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid in using shady real estate deals to personally enrich himself with the help of campaign contributors.

However, cognizant of the fact that if elected to the Presidency he would be the second black president, Dusky has already taken steps to differentiate himself from former president Clinton. For example, where Mr. Clinton denied getting any benefit from his marijuana use, Dusky insists that "I did inhale - that was the point." He has also one-upped Mr. Clinton by admitting to cocaine use, leading to rumors that supermodel Kate Moss is on his short list for vice-presidents.

In between his Senate duties, Dusky is currently completing the seventh grade at Chicago Middle School, and hopes to be a fireman when he grows up.

* for whom I voted twice in 1996 - once riding the Dole bus from Kansas to Iowa like some California claimjumper in order to vote in the Iowa Straw Poll. Keyes tied for seventh, and Pete Wilson showed himself to be an ass. Nobody cared that Arlen Specter was even in the race.